


Unexpected Consequences

by lauraslesbian



Category: Marvel (Comics), Wolverine (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, Internal Monologue, It's 4am but I wanted to try getting back into writing, Laura Kinney is a repressed lesbian, gay angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26946919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauraslesbian/pseuds/lauraslesbian
Summary: Laura Kinney reflects on her feelings and choices while trapped in the vault. (Takes place after X-Men 5, whenever)
Relationships: Laura Kinney/Jubilation Lee
Kudos: 12





	Unexpected Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, let me preface this by saying thank you so much for reading this little story I wrote, I've been meaning to get back into writing so I decided to sit down and get something on the page, hope it's serviceable. Hopefully I'll be able to continue writing and publish more works, but until then, please enjoy and let me know what you think. Be honest!

Laura Kinney doesn’t know how long she’s been stuck down here. 

That’s a lie, she knows, she just wishes she didn’t. Laura never was able to break the habit of counting everything, always being aware. She was always astutely aware of every little detail, at least to the best she could be. It came with the whole trained-to-be-a-weapon deal. Guess it worked after all, seeing as how she’s still a weapon. Just a slightly more independent one. Laura always rejected the idea that she used to be a weapon. She didn’t used to be anything in her mind. She’s always been Laura, even if she didn’t know it. Laura doubted herself every chance she got, pondering for a long time questions of a soul and humanity. Ironic, considering doubt is perhaps the single most human feeling one can have. That unwilling lack of belief, of stability. What else could define the human condition more morbidly. But since she doubted her humanity, and people treated her as such, she became what they saw her as. Laura Kinney has always been human, always had a soul. The rest of the world just needed to catch up. Lately though it’s felt like the world gets her a bit more, but maybe she just got the world. Gabby’s helped with that. She’s revealed sides of Laura that she never knew she had. Or maybe she just forgot. It’s easier to forget sometimes, not like there’s usually that much time to remember considering how manic her life has been.  
Until now. Trapped in darkness, in a place where time all but stops, memories are all she’s had for a while. Laura’s been picking apart the hazes of old conversations and forgotten smells. They became clearer the longer she reminisced. It’s funny, how things that she struggled with previous seemed inconsequential, trivial even. But hindsight isn’t always 20/20. Laura still grappled with her thoughts, her feelings and what they could mean. She never had anyone to teach her how to feel, so it often was easier not to. But that’s not hu,amotu. So she adapted, caught up, as best she could. But now Laura has time to realize all that she hasn’t learned yet. Or all that she missed.  
The idea of romance never appealed much to Laura. At least not in the way it was presented to her. She’d been alone for so long it was easier to stay that way, “if it ain’t broke” as they say. But you’ll never find what you’re looking for if you don’t begin to search. So she searched. She went along with what people wanted, tried to feel the things that they wanted her to feel. Nothing felt right, but nothing felt wrong either, after all, she didn’t know what she was looking for. At least, that was the idea, looking back now Laura realized exactly what she wanted. What she might still want.  
Laura can’t remember the last time she saw Jubilee. That’s a lie she’s well aware it’s been far too long since she spoke to her favorite ex-vampire. So long in fact that when they last conversed she may have still been a vampire. Sure they’d seen each other in passing, around the new island of Krakoa or during other X-Men commitments. But she still missed her, and at first she didn’t know why. Laura’s missed people before of course, she’s missed her mother since she was a child, ever since her demise from Laura’s own hand. Missed Logan, when he would leave her to go and do whatever the “wolverine” does. But she never missed someone like this before. Jubilee made her feel so many new things when they first met, she didn’t know how to process it. How could she? She barely was able to process her own feelings about herself, feelings for another seemed ludacris. Nonetheless.. maybe she should have tried a little harder to embrace her feelings. Because now, sitting in the dark, unsure of what her fate might be, she could only cling to the ideas of what could have been. You see, Laura’s learned since then. She knows herself better, her emotions, but not only that, she understands others better. And Laura was sure that if she had the chance, her and Jubilee would be more than just friends at this point.  
It’s a mute idea of course, she reasons to herself. Jubilee’s got her own stuff going on, she’s an X-Man after all! She’s probably fighting 20 different space demons as Laura sits her in the dark. And who would say that she’d even feel the same way? Just because things appear one way in Laura’s mind doesn’t mean they are that way. It’ll never happen, and if it was going to, it would have already. It didn’t matter that she was the first person Laura thought of when wondering if she’d make it back, it didn’t matter if Laura realized that she’d been in love with this girl since the moment they’d met, and that she was just too emotionally inept to act on it. It didn’t matter.

But that didn’t make her feel any less.


End file.
